


You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him

by airsalonpasandpettysquabbles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: An abundant use of em-dashes, Angst, But also literally done because he is kind of dying, Character Study, Harry Potter needs one too, Introspection, Realization, Self-Reflection, Severus Snape Needs a Hug, Severus Snape is So Done, Song title from Steven Universe, because Pearl is obviously Snape from a different universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airsalonpasandpettysquabbles/pseuds/airsalonpasandpettysquabbles
Summary: Snape puts his life on the line quotidianly for the memory of Lily Evans.Then again, maybe not.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Severus Snape
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him

**Author's Note:**

> The title is pulled from the song 'Do It For Her' from Steven Universe, a fandom that will always live on in our hearts. 
> 
> \- Italics are used for emphasis on words and flashbacks -

Severus Snape was a puppet. Of course, he was an asset to the war on both sides—and yet he felt that he belonged to none—so he was bound to be manipulated. But he didn't know which was worse: crucios at the hand of the Dark Lord or shrewd taunts from Albus Dumbledore.

_"And why should I protect him?!" He sneered at the older man._

_"Because he is her son. Lily's son."_

His Achilles heel. His downfall. His hamartia. Yes, Dumbledore knew exactly which cards to fold to get him to react. 

So he had protected the brat, just like everyone else it seemed. But he wasn't going to spoil him. Oh no, he would be caught dead acting even remotely decent to the boy. He was already pampered and spoiled enough, despite the inclusion—intrusion, more like it—of Voldemort in his life.

So, despite all fury directed at the boy, he had attended Gryffindor quidditch matches during Potter's first year and eventually spared him from a fatal fall off his broom during his first year.

He had done other _trivial_ things like saving him from an escaped criminal _and_ an about-to-transform-werewolf, keeping an eye out for him during the Triwizard tournament-

_"Well, Severus," he had talked himself into drinking a glass or two of Ogden's Finest, a fitting drink for the end of another school year, "next year there'll be the Triwizard tournament, and that means there's a good chance there'll be too much commotion around for Potter to attract trouble."_

_He took another swig. "And it's not like the Potter brat will_ be _in the deadly competition anyway. I am dearly looking forward to a year of avoiding the boy. A year of avoiding the memory of a dead woman."_

Of course, even Potter found himself above simple rules—although he grudgingly admitted to himself that Potter didn't _actually_ want to participate in the tournament—, so he could kiss his year off goodbye. 

Continuing the list, there were the numerous acts he accomplished as a spy for the Order, as well as making sure Umbridge didn't beat Potter up _too_ much (although he agreed that the boy needed discipline), and then, eventually, murdering the only man who had ever believed him (on his specific request)—Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

_"Severus," he had said. "You will have to do it instead of Draco Malfoy."_

_"No. Albus, you know I could never-"_

_"I am not asking, Severus." /I am telling you./ It was left unspoken, but it wasn't needed. "And when I go, you will have to keep an even closer eye on Harry-"_

_"Salazar, Albus, I've been watching him for_ five years _already. Isn't it enough? Haven't I paid my debts to you? To Lily?"_

_"But what about him? Why don't you do it for him?"_

_"Because_ he _is just like his father! Harry James Potter is a spoiled havoc wreaker who is just as entitled as his namesake!"_

_"That's what you see, Severus. And I suspect your views won't change anytime soon. Therefore I must implore you, as my last wish, to do this for her."_

_The old man was twisting his arm and making him see red. And yet, when he caught glimpse of the man's blackened hand, he caved in._

_"Fine. Alright." He heaved a deep sigh. "Two more years. But that's it. No more."_

_Albus Dumbledore smiled sadly, "I don't think we have more time than that, my dear boy."_

And didn't _that_ just reassure him.

* * *

Autumn had come once more, but the boy and his two friends had not. The Golden Trio didn't show up for their last year at Hogwarts.

It had left bile in his stomach. 

He didn't know what Albus had said to the boy, but it must've been important enough for the Golden trio to go missing in action. 

Severus wasn't ignorant. He knew they were on the brink of war—battle, technically, since the war started long ago. The Ministry knew it, the enemy knew it, and the students—those who decided to show up this year—knew it too. Therefore they were all preparing, physically _and_ mentally (though there wasn't much you could do for the latter except pray).

If the trio were smart, they would be preparing as well. Training, fighting, planning. Anything. Just as long as they stood a chance in the end.

For one fleeting moment, he had speculated that maybe Ha- Potter was afraid, thus fleeing with his friends. But no, he knew the brat better than that. The boy was a _Gryffindor_ , for Merlin's sake. Backing out from a fight, his own fight, would be horrific and cowardly. And yet, if Severus were in his shoes, the shoes of a seventeen-year-old boy who had never chosen the destructive path that fate had set upon him, he would undoubtedly be mortified. He wouldn't know what to do.

And then, suddenly, months and months later, stealing away into the night, the boy had come back. His return brought about a backlash in the students, and it went without saying that hope had returned.

Gone was the cold silence on both sides. The battle for Hogwarts had started, marking the end to a decades-old war. One side would win and then it would _finally_ stop.

* * *

Death upon death upon death—and the spy wasn't exempted from its claws. 

Blood was rushing to his ears. His expert occlumens shields were tightening. The shrieking shack suddenly seemed smaller. This was it.

He should've seen it coming. But, in the end, he was pleasantly surprised when he had heard the finality and faux regret in the- in _Voldemort's_ voice. He would soon be rid of the miserable life he had led.

There was a commanding hiss, then a flash of motion, a thump, and, finally, blood.

And suddenly, once he thought he was alone, there was a figure kneeling at his side. That's when he spotted emerald eyes. But they were no longer Lily's eyes; looking back, he doesn't think they _ever were_ her eyes.

No. These irises were a darker shade than before. They were tired. So very exhausted. They also held grief, anger, betrayal, desperation and something akin to worry. (He didn't have the energy to ponder on that last emotion).

And that's when he noticed what he might have willed himself not to see in the past. Dark circles rimming his eyes; scrapes, scars and bruises—some faded and others fresh; the boy's skinny stature; the defeated slump in his shoulders.

When was the last time the boy had a decent night of sleep? And what about a full, warm meal? 

But then he remembered, painfully by the sting in his shoulder, that he was dying and still needed to show the savior of the Wizarding World a few memories—yes, he was certain their side would win. They _had_ to.

A few words were exchanged, tears slid down his cheeks as the boy urged someone for a vial. The memories were collected. His job was done. He took one last look at the boy—the wizard in question searching his eyes as if trying to use legilimency (although for what reason, Severus didn't know; maybe for a sign that he wasn't truly the 'bad guy') before Harry hastily left his side.

As he gasped his last breaths he heard the sharp distinct sounds of disapparating and gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes: he had reached an epiphany of sorts that shouldn't have come as late as it did.

At the end of the day, he hadn't fought to fulfill his debts. He hadn't fought for Albus. He hadn't even fought for Lily, despite what he thought all those years ago. 

All those times he had put his life on the line, it was for someone he had come to know better than both of the aforementioned people (if he had read the boy carefully a few moments ago, he had had a similar childhood to his—the sight of the boy's Hogwarts letter came to mind: To Mr. Harry James Potter, _Cupboard under the stairs_ ). (And he had realized that Draco Malfoy was more like James Potter than Harry, who was more like Severus Snape, ever was).

He had been fighting for Harry. He had died for him too. 

Closing his eyes one last time, he cursed Albus Dumbledore for always being right. He had been assigned to watch over the boy to make sure he survived. Yes, so he could win them the war. But also because he had a life to live when they—he and Albus—didn't anymore. And Merlin knew Harry Potter had more than deserved a life to live. 

As the fog in his mind vanished—clearly a sign that he was fading away—he had seen Harry as he truly was. Not as the dead memory of his mother. Not as the phantom of his father. But as the broken, scarred man he had become. Hardened by war and overcome by grief countless of times. 

He hadn't yet made the same mistakes as Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape. He wasn't yet flawed beyond repair. 

He deserved to go on.

So Severus could now see that he did it for him, in the end. Yes, he mused. It was always about Potter. It always had been.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, Snape only discovered later-on the true depth of Harry's experiences and sufferings. Probably by Lily and James tbh:
> 
> Lily: You should've seen the way he faced on the Basilisk in his second year-  
> Severus: tHe WHaT??!  
> James: Lily, don't forget about those giant spiders in the Forbidden Forest!  
> Severus: !!  
> Lily: Oh but that was nothing next to that stunt Dumbledore made him pull off in his third year, you know, two thirteen-year-olds messing with a time turner, nO bIG dEaL


End file.
